After Math: CESpocalypse Now

Get hyped everybody, it’s CES week! This is the high holy holiday of tech geekdom, a pilgrimage through the hallowed halls of the Las Vegas Convention Center. Everybody’s going to be there. LG will be showing off an 88-inch 8K TV, Neutrogena is debuting its skin-grading iPhone accessory, and Honda has all of the adorable mobility bots. Numbers, because how else will we count down to the show’s opening?

4: That’s how many of its concept mobility robots Honda is showing off at CES this year. They’ve got a companion-bot, wheelchair-bot, a wheeled pack-bot, and an autonomous ATV. $ 1,000: That’s how much Vuzix’s Alexa-enabled AR glasses will set you back, assuming you’re the sort of person who needs a pair of Alexa-enabled AR glasses right friggin’ now. Or you could wait until 2019, when the company figures the price will drop by half.

3: That’s how many 3D printers XYZPro will be displaying at CES. There will be the $ 45 da Vinci 3D Pen Cool, which promises not to burn the heck out of your fingers with molten plastic; a $ 230 tablet-controlled da Vinci Nano printer, and the burlier $ 4,000 da Vinci color AiO for small businesses that can both scan and print items in full color.

Also 3: Is the number of new service robots that LG plans to unveil at CES this year. You’ve got the Serving Robot, Porter Robot and Shopping Cart Robot — each doing exactly what its name implies.

88: That’s how many inches diagonal LG’s ludicrous 8K OLED display is. That’s 11 inches and an extra 4 K’s bigger than the ginormous monitor LG showed off at last CES. Oh the difference a year makes.

0-100: That’s the scale by which Neutrogena’s SkinScanner concept iPhone accessory will grade the quality of your skin. Should your epidermis be found lacking, the scanner’s app will direct you to Neutrogena’s website where you can buy various tinctures and topicals to “fix” the “problems” with your skin. Or you can just love yourself for who you are on the inside and not worry about meeting some unobtainable societal standard of beauty.

Click here to catch up on the latest news from CES 2018.

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After Math: Xs and Os

It’s been a wild week for schemes and strategies. A band of thieves made off with a load of new iPhones, the CIA released more of bin Laden’s hard drive contents, and Netflix nixed House of Cards because Kevin Spacey turned out to be a sexual predator. Numbers, because how else will you know if your fence is underpaying for those looted wares?

$ 370,000: That’s the street value of some 300 iPhone Xs a band of thieves managed to purloin from a UPS truck parked outside of the Apple Store in San Francisco on Thursday. Be wary of any unreasonably good deals (read: less than a grand) you see on eBay for them in the coming weeks.

11 minutes: The only tolerable span of time to occur in 2017 was when the president’s personal attack vector, er, Twitter account was taken offline by an American hero.

Lafayette, US - December 27, 2016: Tesla Supercharger Station. The Supercharger offers recharging of Model S and Model X electric vehicles XI

$ 7,500: That’s how much the electric vehicle tax credit is worth that the Republicans want to get rid of. Because who needs to reduce the global carbon footprint when a couple dozen rich families here in the US can reduce their tax bases?

CIA

321 GB: That’s the size of the CIA’s most recent file dump from Osama bin Laden’s personal laptop. Turns out the dude was super into off-brand sexy ROMs, who knew?

1440p: That’s the maximum monitor screen resolution the new Xbox One X will support. Don’t worry, it’ll still display in 4K when you hook it up to your living room TV.

4 seasons: That’s how many seasons too long House of Cards ran before Kevin Spacey’s sexual predatory past caught up with him and curb stomped the remainder of his career.

A 3D rendered image of cells.  One of the cells has dark tubules protruding from it as compared to the other clear cells.

86 percent: That’s how effective a new AI system developed at Showa University in Japan is in detecting colorectal cancer. Because the quicker you catch this form of cancer, the better the chance you have of beating it.

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After Math: Everything is Awesome

It’s been a wonderful week for the tech industry. Twitter is finally getting its act together regarding hateful content and Russian election interferences, major industry players released their Q3 earnings (Hint: They all made boatloads of money), and the FBI continues to prove that your phone’s encryption can withstand their hacking attempts. Numbers because how else will you know how many highs to five?

Guangzhou. China - December 1, 2016: Apple iPhone 7 screen with social media applications icons Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter and more other24: That’s how many days are left until Twitter’s new and improved (and maybe even effective this time) rule changes regarding hate speech and sexual harassment go into effect. CEO Jack Dorsey announced that the company would be taking “a more aggressive stance” against abusive content, though we’ve heard similar platitudes from the company before. The rules go into effect on November 22nd.

15 degrees: That’s how much warmer windows stay when dressed in a new kind of nanotech solar panel. These “plasmonic nanoantennas” absorb and hold both light and heat to keep the building’s interior warm and toasty. Given that an office can lose as much as 20 percent of its warmth through the windows, these sheets could help high-rises save significant amounts of cash.

Cropped image of handsome grandpa and grandson playing game console while spending time together at home

3 years: That’s how often the US Copyright Office’s DMCA exemption, which allows museums and libraries to preserve old video games, needs to be renewed. Well, guess what happened this week? It done got renewed so we won’t have to worry about saving these digital treasures until after we elect a new president.

$ 43.7 billion: That’s how much stuff Amazon sold in just three months this year between July and September — outpacing Alphabet, which only garnered $ 27.8 billion in revenue during the same period — at this point Jeff Bezos won’t need to take over the world, he’ll just buy it outright.

RUSSIA-CYPRUS/

2: Seems the only one not having a most excellent week is Russian president Vlad Putin. He was none too pleased to learn that Twitter had banned a pair of Kremlin-backed propaganda outlets from advertising on the social network.

A woman wears Snapchat Spectacles on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) while waiting for Snap Inc. to list their IPO in New York, U.S., March 2, 2017.  REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

150,000: That’s how many pairs of Snapchat Spectacles, this summer’s seemingly must-have tech accessory, are sitting in a warehouse somewhere waiting to be sold. Turns out Snapchat may have overplayed its hand in estimating just how many people would be okay strapping cameras to their faces. Have we truly learned nothing from the Google Glass debacle?

7,000: That’s how many phones the FBI can’t snoop through due to them being encrypted. Guess the Feds had better call that Israeli firm that broke them into the San Bernardino shooter’s phone and pony up $ 7,000,000,000

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After Math: Tinder profile make-overs and one-terabyte SD cards

Is your new iPhone hissing? Is your replacement Galaxy Note not exploding? Regardless, we shall begin. This week we saw plenty of new (and old-school) cameras at Photokina, one editor tried to improve his odds on dating apps by outsourcing the task, and one of Japan’s pro-league basketball courts got covered in LED screens. We also had our collective minds blown by the mere notion of a 1TB SD card. Arguably, our minds are easily blown. Let’s After Math.

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