Posts Tagged ‘birthday’
So today’s my birthday. It’s my 640th year on this planet as an immortal warlock. I actually wrote all these articles yesterday so I could go out and celebrate my birthday at midnight, so, honestly, there’s no telling where I am right now. Was there a guy sleeping on your couch this morning? That could have been me. There’s also the possibility I’m in a holding cell at the police station (send a cake with a file inside, STAT). More than likely though I’m asleep on the bathroom floor. So cold, so good. Hopefully I didn’t leave the shower running this time. I should return after I’m up, but if not just pretend Santa texted me and told me you haven’t been good enough to deserve it. You need to start acting right if you want anything but a stocking full of reindeer shit for Christmas. Another year down — damn, I need to start doing something with my life. “Like what?” I’m leaning towards sleeping more. Happy birthday to me, I’ll assume your gift will just be arriving a day or two late because you always wait till the last minute like someone who only KIND OF cares. *taking deep breath to blow out candles* I wish you could learn to love me.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year single Google’s streaming dongle arrived on the backs of TVs, bringing easy streaming chops to the masses. As a proper celebration, the folks in Mountain View are thanking both current and new Chromecasters…
This is the stunning Calvin & Hobbes time-traveling dinosaur scene that artist and mother Laura Hartrich of Etsy store Tiny Scissor Times embroidered for her son’s birthday. It is most impressive. You know, when I was in middle school my mom embroidered my initials into the bands of all my tighty whities so my brother and I could tell our underwear apart after the wash. It wasn’t really necessary though because you could already tell mine apart by the faded shit stains. I was a very excitable boy. Keep going for a shot of the lucky boy holding the piece to get a better idea of its size.
You might say the day is never really done in consumer technology news. Your workday, however, hopefully draws to a close at some point. This is the Daily Roundup on Engadget, a quick peek back at the top headlines for the past 24 hours — all…
Ten years ago today (in fact, exactly 10 years ago, if you’re reading this post in real time), Engadget was born. Our first post featured T-Flash, a new memory card format created to serve cellphone users who wanted extra storage — as long as they…
Apple isn’t done celebrating the Macintosh’s 30th birthday just yet. To further mark the occasion, the folks in Cupertino dispatched 15 film crews to locales around the globe, armed with 100 iPhones to document just how far Apple has come in 30 …
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So today is my birthday (I’m nearly 600) and I’m gonna cut out of here early so I can go enjoy the day (but ultimately wind up lost in my own mind trying to figure out where everything went wrong). I’ll be back sometime tomorrow, well rested and ready to write. Or bleary eyed and wishing I could just lay in the shower for the day. This is a picture of me on the old homestead. I built that building in the rear with my own two hands. I’m lying, but you can’t argue with me because today is MY DAY. I think I’m gonna go to the beach and see how far I can swim out into the ocean with a stomach full of hotdogs. If I’m not back tomorrow notify the Coast Guard that sharks like the taste of hotdogs. I still can’t believe I even survived the last year, maybe God has a plan for me after all. Is that true, God? *booming voice* “Huh? Oh, uh, yeah — of course I do.” Very reassuring. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, SEE YOU ALL TOMORROW UNLESS GOD’S PLAN WAS ACTUALLY SHARK FOOD.
We’re a few days late in wishing the Mars Curiosity Rover a happy birthday – it landed on the Red Planet on August 5th one year ago – so to make up for it we present Florence Tan, the team lead for the rover’s on-board chemistry lab, talking about how they transmitted commands to the rover so it could play “Happy Birthday” to itself.
It is at once one of the most miraculous things you’ll see all week and, in a way, the saddest. The rover sings using a set of vibrating plates designed to move soil samples through the chemistry module. While most of the signals are more “beep boop” than bebop, the module can also play notes.
Thus one of our species’ crowning achievements – a rover that is the very avatar of all of our best and most far-reaching efforts – sang a 120-year-old folk song into the arid plains of Mars. The fact that this little robot will probably never make it back home and is completely alone is a fascinating study in solitude but, what’s more important, that it is able to sing to itself by reacting to commands sent from Earth is stunning. We are, in essence, on Mars with the little rover and that’s probably the best birthday present we could get.
It went for the tit!
Outback Steakhouse teamed up with Brazilian ad agency Lew’Lara\TBWA to develop the B-Day Chair, a chair with mechanical arms that gives you a hug every time somebody wishes you a happy birthday on your Facebook wall. You just sit down, sign into your Facebook page with the attached tablet, and let the hugs roll in. It even takes a picture of your reaction every time to flood your Facebook timeline with more crapola! True story: I worked as a busboy at Outback Steakhouse my last two years of high school. It was cool. They let me eat all the bread and drink all the soda I wanted. But one time I was taking the kitchen trash out to the dumpster and the bag ripped and a literal gallon of that sauce they dip the Bloomin’ Onions in before frying them poured in between my socks and shoes. My manager wouldn’t let me go home even though I was sloshing around smelling like shit for the rest of the night. Then the hostesses started calling me the Outback Outhouse and I sat and cried in the walk-in fridge for like twenty minutes. I don’t ever want to talk about this again.
Hit the jump for the groping chair in action.